Saturday, October 26, dawned bright and clear, with little indication of the nefarious activities that would commence later that morning in Mechanicsburg, PA. Despite the best efforts of the various authorities, not to mention consideration of common decency, the IHSR was at it again—this time at Nils' fearsome Frederikring circuit. Read on if you dare…
Suspicions first arose when we were greeted not by Nils but by this life-size poster of Nils, welcoming us to the track. Ron doesn't seem startled at all. In fact, his canny expression suggests that he's in on the plot. Hmmm…

The regular Pennsylvania Mafia was on hand, with Bob at the workbench and Sherm offering setup advice. All pretty normal. But Mike appeared only fleetingly and never turned to face the camera. It was only 9:50 am and already the day was becoming steadily stranger.

Before long, Mike's uncharacteristically stealthy behavior had spread to almost everyone: Bruce, Ron, Keith, Mike (again), Bill, Nils, and Bob all have their backs to the camera. Sherm and Hayes are bookending this photo with sideways, suspicious stances, while only Rick G. is willing to face forward. (There's always the 1% that doesn't get the message…)

Busted! Only through a concerted effort to deceive Mike was I able to get a picture showing his face! Meanwhile, everyone else is still studiously avoiding Yr Fthfl Srvnt and pursuing other clandestine activities. (Except Rick G., of course.)

In a desperate effort to break everyone out of their seeming trances, I began randomly stealing slot cars from them. It had no effect whatsoever. But at least I got photos of Sherm's Slot-It Ford GT40 Mk. II…

…his scratch-built 1966 3.0-litre Ferrari F1 car…

…and Nils' brand-new-in-the-box Racer Porsche 911 in Martini livery. This car is so exquisite that I believe Nils is planning to race it only in its protective case for fear of damaging it!

Meanwhile, Bob is still frozen in position at the tire truer, with his NSR tire long since having been reduced to a pile of rubber dust. Could anything snap these zombiesque model car racers out of their stupor??

Well, yes, actually. All it took was the first race! The Trans Am class is always a favorite here, given the two chicanes on the track and the generally tight corners. One of these days, Keith is actually going to run his Trans Am-eligible Alfa Romeo GTA (but on this day, he stuck with his Penske Camaro).

As always at the 'Ring, the track and race-management systems were 100% reliable, and everything ran smoothly (with the possible exception of when Bob tried to use the mouse left-handed and kept clicking the right mouse button instead of the left!) As the T/A race got underway, Sherm initially looked unbeatable. He confessed that he was trying Slot-It foam tires on his Pioneer (?) Mustang and found them very much to his liking. Moreover, he said that truing them was quick and painless, in marked contrast to the hours-long process for soft rubber tires. Meanwhile, both Nils and I were having a terrible time on the blue lane, lapping a half second or so slower than on white or red. No one else experienced this odd traction loss, so it remains Yet Another Mystery. Nils would go on to stellar performances on the other two lanes, while I was sufficiently traumatized as to never recover.
Ron was having a good run with his Chaparral Camaro, as usual, and was keeping Sherm honest. Keith, too, was turning in his usual almost-flawless drive, with a car that still lacks a bit of speed. Bob is always quick at the Frederikring but was having a tough time on the red lane. Rick G.'s Firebird was a bit off of its usual pace, Bill was steady while getting the most out of an uncompetitive car, while Bruce failed to negotiate Turn 1 in spectacular fashion, with his Pioneer Mustang dropping roughly 100 scale feet to the concrete floor below, shattering a wheel hub in the process.
Have I mentioned Hayes yet? While everyone above was dashing about with various degrees of success, Hayes hadn't even arrived! Just as his first heat was about to begin without him, he called to say he was only 2 miles away. We delayed the start, and he arrived, put a plain white Series II Camaro on the track, and—without practice—blew everybody's doors off! At the finish, Hayes won by a lap over Nils, who bested Sherm by a lap, and with Ron and Keith close behind. (I forget which one of them was ahead on the track.) The rest of us languished farther back but managed to finish. Here are the top three cars:

And here are the overall results for Trans Am:


With the first race complete, almost everyone except Nils instantly lapsed back into Zombie Mode. Note how Bob, Bruce, Mike, and even Sherm are frozen in position, glassy-eyed, and lacking in rational thought! And then there's Ron, peeking surreptitiously over Nils' shoulder. Nils, of course, is asking, "What in the world is wrong with everyone??"

As always, the pre-1965 sports cars are everyone's favorite class. (Okay, it's my favorite class; YMMV.) We had a mix of older and newer cars, with Rick G. running this spectacular but as-yet unfinished Scarab…

…Bruce driving his Doctor-prep'd Jaguar XK-120…

…and Keith giving his new Mercedes 300SL Gullwing coupe another try. (Dang, how'd that sticker get there?)

And then there was the ex-Sherm Cobra Daytona Coupe, now proudly in my hands—woot! I've loved and coveted this car ever since Sherm built it, using a Monogram body and a shortened chassis from a Slot-It Chaparral. In contrast to the original Monogram model, the body sits low on the chassis, just like the original, which does wonders for the car's appearance.

To comply with the 2013-2014 rules, I'd had to take out the Slot-It V12 Flat 6 motor and replace it with an 18,000-rpm standard Mabuchi short can. (I used a Pioneer Typhoon motor.) As I was disassembling the car, I couldn't help marveling over Sherm's craftsmanship. The lightweight interior, including a cast resin spare tire; axle stops on all four corners; a triangulated rear axle brace, soldered to the motor and glued into a carefully drilled hole in the bearing carrier; lead wires that were exactly the right length and carefully taped to the chassis with perfectly cut pieces of the Magic Green Tape; impossibly narrow gears that aligned and meshed perfectly; a glued-in motor with no excess Goop anywhere; well, you get the idea. It truly was extraordinary.

Ironically, when Sherm first tried out the Daytona last season at the Frederikring, it wasn't all that competitive. I wanted to run the car as a change of pace from my elderly Sebring 'Vette, even if it wasn't a potential race winner. To my great surprise, however, with the lighter motor it was a rocket! I knew I had an outstanding car. Even so, it would be up against Sherm's always-fast Maserati coupe, Keith's new Benz, Ron's masterful Racer Ferrari, Hayes' Lola T-70, and Nils' MRRC Porsche 911—shown here in its typical cornering style, driven with sturm and drang.

Once the race started, it quickly became apparent that the Daytona was even more of a rocket than I'd expected. It had about 2 tenths of a second on Sherm's Maser and Ron's Ferrari, and 4 tenths on Nils' 911, and it was relatively easy to drive at its limit. Plus, the indomitable (if slightly idiosyncratic) Hayes had decided to run his orange Cheetah, complete with ultra-short wheelbase. It was fairly quick but very difficult at the limit, which led to a number of impressive off-track excursions. Keith, Mike—who had suddenly reappeared after missing the first race—and Bob all ran well, while Rick G.'s new Scarab needed further development. Bruce's XK-120 had great straight-line speed, possibly as a result of a motor from last season's rules, while Bill struggled with his vintage racer. Here are the top four finishers, with Ron having edged Nils by 7 or 8 feet for the final podium spot. Let's hear it for American blue and white at the front!



After the vintage sports car race, I was obviously a happy slot car racer. But so, too, were Keith…

…and Nils. In the background, newcomer Porsche Joe is hooking up his controller for some practice. All is well, right?

Well, maybe not. Nils, who up until this point had been a model of normal, non-zombie functionality, is clearly worked up about something. As best I can tell, he is jealously protecting his slot car from an invisible assailant! Perhaps a tall rabbit named Harvey?? Or Buddy, wearing the Cloak of Invisibility?? Or maybe just one of his many invisible friends. Who can tell? But, all things considered, it would be best if Nils' colleagues at his new job don't hear about this episode…

With the whole scene becoming weird again, I reverted to stealing other people's cars. Here are Nils' lurid Porsche 906 and Hayes' King Cobra, respectively.


Speaking of Hayes, remember his purposeful appearance at the last Summit Point MARRS race? Well, that same determination seems to carry through to his IHSR racing.


It's all for show, of course. His real emotions are captured by this slightly errant HDR photo. I report, you decide.

Question time: First, what kind of car is Keith working on?

And then, whose cluttered pile o' slot cars is this? The first person to answer both of these questions will be awarded Questionable Looks at the next race.

Group C was up next, with Mike slotted into the first rotation—apparently because he was concerned about possibly disappearing again without warning. Nils had this nice-looking Slot-It Lancia "dollop." (Or was this Bob's identical car?)

Someone had this very nice Mazda. (If you recognize this car, please identify yourself. If the car is yours but you don't recognize it, please report to Shepard-Pratt Hospital at 6501 North Charles St., Towson, MD, at your earliest convenience.)

And then the Doctor himself had this impeccable Porsche 956, in Gulf colors. It looked pretty straightforward, but notice the unusually small piece of Magic Green "Calming" Tape. What's he up to this time??


The Group C cars proved to be very evenly matched, with the fastest lap times of the second- through eighth-place finishers all within 0.24 second of each other. Although my car felt incredibly slippery, in retrospect it had good lap times—but I drove it miserably. Keith ran his Martini Lancia, affectionately known as "Old Squeaker," to a well-driven fourth place, 2 to 3 laps ahead of Ron, Hayes, Mike, and me. Up front, Sherm drove beautifully and cruised to a 6-lap win over Nils and Bob, who just edged out Keith in the process. Bill and Rick G. soldiered on with cars that were off the pace, while Joe tackled the new-to-him track with enthusiasm. Read 'em and weep:



Following his four heats, Mike had abruptly disappeared in a cloud of smoke that smelled faintly like grey-dust Ortman tires. Bill also had to go but managed to do so in less-dramatic fashion, while Joe elected to sit out the next race and observe everyone's tactics. He was also taking copious notes about car setup, motor choices, etc. and is likely to be a force to be reckoned with before long. I was hoping that Hayes would run this beautiful Bob Akin IMSA Porsche, but I think he stuck with another orange car—his McLaren in this case—given the proximity to Halloween. Also, if I remember correctly, he did at least one heat with his Gulf Porsche 917 (which has an orange racing stripe and therefore still qualified for Halloween competition).

Poor Ron was having a frustrating day, with the red lane giving him fits and his normally speedy cars circulating a little slower than usual. He vowed to make up for it in the 1966-1981 sports racing car class. He chose to run the No. 3 version of his matched pair of NSR Porsche 917's, and it served him well. In fact, the race was pretty much a Porsche sweep, with Sherm winning overall at the wheel of his Porsche 917LH, Ron's regular 917 second, Nils' 917 third, and mine fourth. Hayes and Keith tried their best to break the Porsche stranglehold, but on this day "There was no substitute."



After a fun day of racing, we all packed up, thanked Nils for hosting at his great track, and wandered outdoors. There we found Rick G.'s newly purchased Chevrolet Super Sport Roadster (SSR) pickup…

…and Joe's excellent Porsche 911 Carrera.

It may be true, for ordinary mortals, that "we are what we eat." But for rabid, slot-car-racing IHSR zombies, "we are what we drive!" Thanks again, Nils, and be sure to thank Mary for putting up with us all.
Rick F.
PS: Any resemblance of this race report to what actually took place on October 26 at the Frederikring is strictly coincidental.

